HOME (2005)

A dollar, a dream and a printed MapQuest. 

It was 12am on a late summer night and I was hitting the road solo to Houston. My fresh start was 500 miles away. The car was overflowing with everything I owned with no clear view out of the back window. Walmart bags of college dorm goods from a $300 layaway that I paid off throughout that 2005 summer. I had completed my high school requirements a semester early and worked my ass off to save up for August. At the very last minute I had to get a new car that would get me to college but the damn AC didn’t work. My survival mode mind mapped out a plan to leave Tulsa at midnight so I wouldn’t have to drive 8 hours in that humid heat and I could make it to the TSU housing office right at 8am when it opened. I took a Benadryl early so I could sleep all day and feel safer about staying awake while driving alone overnight. Praying that all the paperwork I did by myself a state away was solid and there would be no issues moving into my new place. My new home. 

When people ask me why I chose Houston for college, there is no vivid decision in my memory. Divinity I suppose. I don’t remember what my 18 year old mind was on. Feeling like I had already lived 9 lives. Running away from bittersweet memories of an already swelling life. Alcohol addictions. Drugs. A broken family. Roaches. Best friends turned

sisters. Incredibly independent high school years. Growing up faster than most. I kept a job from the age of 14 and that Toyota Camry driving me to Houston was car number 5 for me. Tribulation after tribulation and there was nothing that could stop me from making my way. Through all of those young ages, I could never believe that a vision would be gifted to me if I wasn’t supposed to make it a reality. Fear couldn’t stand a chance. 

There was no knowledge of college anywhere in my family. I pieced together information from Google, from high school counselors, from my friend’s parents. I managed to get my financial aid right and was also awarded a small scholarship at Texas Southern University that would waive my out of state fees. Refund checks. God things. Originally I was split between the University of Houston and TSU, both campuses across the street from one another in Third Ward Houston, Texas. But I had graduated from the iconic Booker T. Washington up the block from Black Wall Street in Tulsa, Oklahoma and continuing the rich experience of a historically black institution just felt comfortable in my spirit. And it was. When Houston was all said and done, I had gained deep love from even more chosen family, two degrees, a beautiful career foundation and memories that my soul will never forget. 

That overnight solo drive was exactly 20 years ago. Now I’m sitting on a plane headed back to Tulsa for my high school reunion with my 10 year old sitting next to me. I pray one day she understands the essence of what my journey has been. We’re about to land in a place I call my hometown but that hasn’t been my home in two decades. A place where I now have to use my GPS to get from A to B. The idea of home is such a layered emotional and thought process. Is it a place, a person, a feeling? I have so much more to say about it, but until next time… 

SHANI

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