ARE YOU AFRAID?

I have been finding myself bumping up against fears lately. Fears in being an adult and facing hard things. Fears in building new connections. Fears in raising a little girl who is on her own path and journey. 

Why are we so afraid of being afraid? Before the fear can fully burst into flames inside of us, we try to rush and solve and fix and build a story around it. To extinguish it. Some of us hate feeling afraid. We hate the thoughts it brings. We hate the sleepless nights. So we shove it deep inside. 

But the fear is a part of us. There is a part inside of our being that is afraid. And wants our attention because it has something to say and something to teach us. 

I realized that mostly every fear I have is connected to a trauma that has been with me for over 30 years. Deep inside, there is a part of me that is afraid that if I trust life, if I trust a person, if I do not plan and get ahead of situations, if I do not have control, then I will be stuck and I will suffer. I will be abandoned, I will be hurt, and I will be forced into circumstances that I cannot get out of. Because that is what happened when I was a child. I endured much suffering at the hands of life and at the hands of other people. So, I move with a little sliver of fear that I don’t want to make it to my surface.

This is trauma. And this is catastrophizing. 

But I am not here to talk about how we fix or prevent our fear. I am here to talk about that part of us that is afraid. Why wouldn’t we love on it? Why wouldn’t we cradle it and offer it our own compassion and understanding? Why wouldn’t we listen to what it has to say? 

Imagine your child or any child in a corner being deeply afraid. Would you see yourself rushing over and telling them to go hide? That they are wrong for being afraid? Would you see yourself immediately rush into a fixing mode? Or could you see yourself allowing that child to speak about it and giving them a hug? Telling them that it’s understandable to be afraid sometimes? 

It is just fear. 

Fear is, and will forever be, a part of our lives. On the same exact rope, there is love and there is fear. And there is divinity in both, whether we choose to accept it or not makes all the difference in our life experience. 

To listen deeply to ourselves is to listen deeply to our moments of fear. What is it trying to tell us, to teach us? 

Our bodies and our lives are our home, all of it. The hard, the afraid, the discomfort. The joy. The grief. You have to bring it all into the room with you. 

But we often put our worries and issues off to the side. We say, one day I will deal with them. And that’s how we feel more and more disconnected from our own lives and our own selves. There is so much we’re not bringing into the room with us even though it is part of who we are and it’s asking to be there with us. Yet, we just disown it.

How can we ever feel like we fully belong in our own lives? 

Compassion means 'to suffer with'. But we must learn to suffer with ourselves first and foremost. Are we present with and listening to our own suffering? 

Can you accept that your deepest, darkest and most aggressive moments had to happen because they had so much to teach you? We will fight so hard against worry, fear, doubt and change. We will downright refuse to see a glimmer of divinity in dark places. We’ll say ‘nothing good is here, nothing good can come from this for me’ when it’s simply not the truth. And it's a hard truth. 

When you turn TOWARD a discomfort and a fear, you can bring into the same room as your own heart and this strikes a level of compassion that creates safety and wellbeing. It communicates to your body that there is a place here within this person (you), within this being (you) and within this home (you) that will and can hold your human hand. 

There is a friendship here between your human hand and your highest being hand. And the more times you bring these two together, the less distance you create within yourself. And you become less afraid of being afraid. You’ll learn, it’s just fear. I can feel my way through it safely. I can withstand this. I am okay. And I will be okay. 

Suffer with yourself. Invite your fear and suffering into the room with you. 

This is not easy nor is it an overnight exercise. But it's one of those messages that you hear or read and it just creates a level of awareness inside you that shifts a little something. It sits in the back of your mind and maybe the next time you have fear arise you might remember it and decide to invite it into your space instead of trying your hardest to wish it away. 

I am not advocating that we drown in our worries, fears and anxieties. I am simply asking that we allow them to surface and we listen to them. We find the divinity in what they are trying to tell us and teach us. How we approach the fixing and the solving is unique to each of our psyches and trauma responses, but the first step is acknowledgment and a deep compassion for ourselves. This is the message, love. 

I want to offer a few practices that you can do when you feel afraid or that a fear is arising. It can be from something ‘simple’ or something deep rooted. I always, always, always want you to take care of yourself and I hope this perspective makes it to the minds, hearts and spirits of those that it needs to. Much love. 

FREE WRITING 

“Free writing is a technique where you write continuously for a set period (usually 5–20 minutes) without pausing, editing, or worrying about spelling, grammar, or structure. It is designed to bypass the "inner critic," overcome inner blocks, and generate ideas by letting thoughts flow freely.”

Pick up a pen and paper. Set a timer. And write without picking up the pen. Allow whatever to come out onto the page from your conscious and subconscious. Even when you get stuck, continue to write even if it doesn't make sense. 

Again, the goal is not to fix anything, it’s just to allow what you’re feeling to be seen.

GRATITUDE 

Practice a consistent gratitude practice that helps you embrace your fears and moments that you have been afraid of. Think about what your fears have taught you in the past and feel/write out/speak gratitude for everything about it. 

PRAYER 

Sit with your fear and pray over and bless yourself. 

I am praying over all parts of my being

My Mind, Body, Spirit, Heart 

My joys, gratitude and blessings 

As well as my fear, hurt, pain, anxiety, depression, trauma and suffering

I am praying that the light within me and my deepest and highest self can rise up to love every part of my being

To accept and cradle my fear so that all of me feels seen, heard, loved and accepted 

And not pushed away or siloed off 

I am praying that I can be okay with not feeling okay right now

That I can allow my fear to speak and I can have compassion for that part of myself

I pray that I can allow my fear to speak before I rush off to fix it

Please allow me to fully hear what it is trying to tell me and to teach me 

I am trusting and believing that all of this is so, and so it is

Please offer me peace as a foundation in all my things

Thank you, thank you, thank you

MEDITATION 

This love letter was inspired by my angel Sarah Blondin and her guided meditation called “Compassion Meditation”. Tap in if you feel pulled to! 

SHANI