HEY GRANDPA (2026)

Well, I’m back in Brooklyn and I am utterly exhausted. I keep scrolling through our text thread and listening to the only voicemail I have from you. I can’t believe I don’t have any of you calling me “Shanell” or “Nell” instead of “Shani”. The last two weeks were a whirlwind of planning and designing every little detail for your funeral arrangements. The moment my mama told me you had passed I immediately barged my way in to take the reins and brought Lacey along with me for the ride. No surprises there, you know we’ve been stepping into those adult roles together since we were young. There was no way I was about to let you go out down bad and raggedy. We had enough of that growing up. 

I’m so grateful there was a cemetery plot for you with grandma, your dad and brother in OKC. We really were able to plan the perfect day for you. Your 3 kids got along with no episodes and just about all 12 of your grandkids and 20 great grandkids showed up in various black and royal blue. We buried you with all of your favorite gear - an OU Sooners shirt and blanket, Dallas Cowboys jersey and your OKC Thunder and US Army hats with Motown’s greatest hits playing in the background. 

You looked so peaceful, grandpa. Before they closed the casket I probably said “thank you” over 10 times thinking about the way you saved me and Shelton. One of my very few memories from my childhood was being 7 years old in that foster care center and each day they would sit out boxes of clothes for us to choose from. Being the oldest of the 5 siblings, I remember helping them with their outfits while we were there. I’ll never forget how pivotal it was that you came for me and Shelton while the other 3 went to live with their dad. And you made sure that we stayed connected despite us living in Tulsa and them in OKC. 

As we looked through pictures and each told stories, we were reminded just how much you were about your family. 10 toes down. Everyone lived with you at some point. You were always rolling on the floor with the latest great grand baby. Texting all of us, posting everyone’s birthday on Facebook. And when it came to all of our friends, you were everyone’s grandpa. I was so mad at you when you’d stand by during my brother’s various addictions but in hindsight I can see it was because you’d never leave any of us high and dry. Your support of your family was unwavering. 

They say you died from COPD. I remember getting to my bossy teenage years and made you stop smoking in the house lol. You had your flaws and I know that my strength and resilience is the result of a lot of our family trauma, but all of who I am is because of you choosing to take me in and raise me the best ways that you could. And allowing my mama to be around in the ways that she was able to. You always supported me through all my wildest dreams and I still hear stories from everyone about how you would brag and brag on me. Your granddaughter who went to Booker T then off to college in Houston and moved to New York City. I’m so grateful that Gracie got to know you despite us living so far. This was the first hard loss either of us have had to deal with and I know we’ll share this grief together forever. 

I’ve done a lot of things in this lifetime that I am proud of, but if the only reason I’ve been able to be successful was so that I could afford the five digit bill for your funeral without any hesitation or worry, then it’s been worth it. 

I plan to bring the family together every July in OKC so we can honor you and let these kids have beautiful memories together in a healthy environment. We’re all breaking those generational curses and it’s such a blessing. 

You’re my first close ancestor at this big age, grandpa. Please show up in my dreams and through my discernment and intuition. Watch over my baby and guide her. Protect all my siblings and their babies also. Help my mama find some peace with your loss, you know she’s going through it. Send her some guidance to turn up in this second half of her life. Walk with the whole entire family.

We love you. We appreciate you. Thank you for your life and your legacy.

Until we meet again. 

NELL