STRONG FRIEND

I know I have been considered the "strong friend" to many people over the course of my life. As someone who was dealt a difficult hand of cards at birth but then pushing through years of pure overcoming, being resilient, creating paths no matter what while supporting my loved ones in every way possible that I could think of. Always being okay, eventually.  Always showcasing the strength to move through these waves of life. 

This week I probably cried more than I have in the last 12 months. 

One of my visions this year has been to really heal. To address and process deep rooted shit so I can move differently in life.  And I've been so tired of healing in a reactionary state. It's too hard. Letting things happen to trigger me and then scrambling to be physically and mentally okay while also finding the awareness and purpose in whatever darkness had presented itself. So I recently recommitted to weekly therapy with a thirst to start doing more internal work. Proactively instead of reactively. 

And baby, through the talking, recapping childhood and journaling - the trauma has popped OUT. The childhood wounds are here. This week I felt every bit of emotions that have been pinned up inside. 

But, it's been such a gift. 

Many of my tears this week have come out as sheer gratitude. Grateful for God and my Guides holding me down for 37 whole ass years. And for the sisters I've gained along the way that FEEL when I am suffering and come with an outpour of love and support for me. Gratitude that my kid is living a completely beautiful life as a result of me overcoming so much to be the kind of mama I am today. 

I went to church today and the first thing the pastor said in his sermon was "remember your strong friend". I just sat there and smiled in my shookness. I wonder if others have such blatant synchronicities and life because, yo. 

The message was for the strong friend. 

Sometimes the strong friend needs a strong friend. But as a strong friend I will say, sometimes the strength we need from our friends is just love. Not to be fixed or for our problems to be fixed. Sometimes we don't need someone to lean our weight on, we just need someone's lap we can rest our head in and be told that we're not alone.

Please never underestimate the power of friendship. We heal the most when in relationship with others.

Are you the strong friend? Are you oftentimes finding yourself bleeding and suffering in silence? Wrestling with hidden struggles because you think that being transparent will burden others. Part of being loved ones is being willing to lovingly bear burdens with one another. Why would we feel like it's an honor to be a resource for someone else but that it's a burden for someone to be a resource for us? We know that it's love to be there for someone else's healing but don't want people to be there for our healing.  

And maybe you're not the strong friend but instead the strong sister, the strong mother, the strong family member. 

Have you ever gotten to such a breaking point that you finally let someone in and then are disappointed in how they show up for you? We really do have to take accountability for some of that, too. If we rarely show our vulnerability, sometimes our loved ones aren't used to seeing us in that vulnerability. If we don't show people that it is a very real side of us, they'll never know how to be comfortable with it. If we don't teach people how to be there for us or tell them what we need, they may not know. We cannot control how others show up for us. 

I want to say this to the strong ones. The ones who hold it inside. 

You are not invincible, love. Strength can be beautiful but it can also be very damaging. You can pretend and perform strength even when you are hurting beyond measure, but you get no badge of honor or credit for acting like everything is okay when it's not.

Being there for someone is an act of love. Let your loved ones love you. It is HARD to navigate the darkness alone. Be open to letting your loved ones support you on your journey. Vulnerability IS strength. And it’s okay to be in a periodic and temporary season of vulnerability, transparency and honesty when healing is what you desire. 

Believe it or not, a coping mechanism for your own damage and trauma is acting like you’re strong and can do life solo. It's okay to exhale.

Please consider letting your friend in, your parents in, your children in, your family in. That is the prayer. 

If you're into guided practices, here is a beautiful one FOR THE STRONG ONES BY DORA KAMUA

If music is healing for you, here's a light filled song PRAY FOR ME BY SAULT X CLEO SOL

I've been working HARD on my website that will house the love letters and many other offerings. Be on the lookout for more in the coming weeks. I hope your summer has been warm in its own beautiful way.

As we head into fall (soonish), please be sure to take care of yourselves. 

SHANI