BELIEVE IN YOUR FRUIT

I’ve been itching to write this letter since Sunday but, life. The term 'imposter syndrome’ is one that has bubbled up across social media and just like ‘trauma’ and ‘healing’ - we ALL experience and deal with this in one way or another. I had a very dope and enlightening conversation with a friend a few weeks ago about the topic and then the sermon at church this past Sunday was also about it, so I’ve been gathering many thoughts to put this together. 

The topic of the sermon: BELIEVE YOUR FRUIT (hello!)

What I’ve experienced and witnessed in myself and those close to me over the years is this inability to fully celebrate ourselves. Praise can make us uncomfortable. We feel like our accomplishments are an act of ‘luck’ and we don’t feel 100% worthy. We simply refuse to believe we are as good as others see us. We feel like we might be ‘found out’ or believe we are actually fraudulent in how we are presenting ourselves. We whisper stories to ourselves. We downplay what we’ve been able to produce. We don’t truly see the significance in who we are. 

You know what’s so frustrating? Seeing and knowing someone is DOPE AF in their creativity, in their dignity, in their tenacity, in their drive, in their output and journey and that person not being able to receive it. It sucks right? Well, I’m sure you’ve looked at someone this way AND others have felt the same way about you not being able to accept how incredible you are.

After doing some Googling, there are five ways that Imposter Syndrome tends to show up, we all are not the same. 

THE PERFECTIONIST 

Sets unrealistic goals for themselves. 

Becomes highly self-critical when they cannot achieve a goal. 

Has difficulty delegating tasks to others (lacks trust in them getting things done the right way)

Side note, you can’t even define perfection for real. There is no definition. 

THE EXPERT 

Determines competency by how much they know or can do. 

Often fears they don’t know enough and will be considered inexperienced.

THE SUPERHUMAN

Believes they got lucky. 

Often feels like a ‘fraud’. 

Working long hours to the point of burnout to prove their competency 

THE NATURAL GENIUS 

Measures competency by how easy and fast they understand/do something. 

Shames themselves if they are unable to do something quickly (i.e. on the first try)

THE SOLOIST 

Tends to do everything on their own. 

Refuses help because it makes them feel incompetent. 

I know y’all can relate. Something else that got me to thinking is that one facet of this is most definitely self talk but also sometimes the lack of being present. I know for me, I can get in go, go, go mode and once an accomplishment hits, it’s on to the next thing. I don’t fully allow myself to savor the sweetness of my accomplishments. AND accomplishments don’t have to be ‘BIG’. Sometimes getting out of the bed during deep depression is celebratory worthy. 

So how can we check ourselves and work on our Imposter Syndrome? I gathered up some more thoughts: 

REMEMBER? 

Something I started doing when I worked in my 9-5 was keep a list of all the milestones / key areas of learning so when it was time to update my resume I didn’t forget anything. Life moves so fast that we can blink and 2 years will go by and we can’t remember what has happened. We need to REMEMBER all of our beautiful accomplishments and moments. Write it down. Somewhere, anywhere. Nothing is small and everything that you’ve created or brought to fruition is worthy. YOU are worthy. 

WHO IS YOUR PEOPLE?

I used ‘IS’ instead of ‘ARE’ because when it comes to low vibrational energy around you when you already struggle it’s like,, who is your people? Know who celebrates you and who simply does not, will not, and can not and act accordingly. If you already doubt yourself, have trouble celebrating yourself and struggle with Imposter Syndrome, having folks around you that fuel this - nah. Not saying cut off these people but know where your cheerleaders are so you can align conversations with them when it comes to topics that you need a little extra motivation and positivity. 

SELF-TALK

It’s all in how we speak to ourselves. Nerves will have you feeling like you OD do not deserve to be celebrated. Anxiety. Doubt. You’ll be downplaying everything. Our people will show us mad love and it can be uncomfortable to receive it. Then we start the stories in our minds. We have to start writing down the truth so we can reference it every single time those stories arise. Positive self-talk and affirmations. 

LEAVE GRACE 

What has happened, has happened. Truth be told, there are benefits from the Imposter Syndrome that have happened over the course of our lives. More drive. Learning from failures. Learning humility. We pay more attention. All we can do it try to get better, be better and accept ourselves a little more every day. Always leave grace for yourself.

May we BELIEVE OUR FRUIT more and more with every accomplishment, with every compliment, with every piece of praise, with ALL of our lives. To play small in a Universe that needs us is a waste of time. We can get off the island we’ve created in our minds, we are not the only folks going through this. But let’s unravel a little more and believe our worth, believe in ourselves and believe our fruit. 

You are not an imposture. You are worthy. Peace, light and beautiful love to you all. 

SHANI