VILLAIN ERA

Before I dive in, one thing that makes me cringe these days is people using the word “healed” like there was a completion of something. Baby, we will be transforming, triggered, overcoming, restoring, releasing, learning, growing, evolving, grieving until it’s all said and done. 

Healing is a forever ass game. 

I’ve been seeing on social media that healing will actually make you ‘meaner’. Healing sounds so soft, so pleasant, so heavenly. But it’s hard ass work and the boundaries that come as a result are real, REAL. The truth is some of us end up being the villain in other people’s stories as a result. And when you are really healing, it’s easy to just accept that. 

Healing will have you choosing yourself, first and foremost. There’s no room to hold onto fear around being ‘selfish’, pleasing other people or even trying to fix them. You get so authentic in your own choices, your own journey, your own wellbeing that you can’t take that deeply into consideration. It will have you preserving your energy in situations that would have drained you before. 

I have changed so much over the course of my journey. And when I think about the change, it’s really just been me healing. I’ve uncovered hella trauma and started therapy to address it. To reprogram it. To change my thought patterns and my behaviors, ultimately. I moved in ways that people around me got accustomed to and as I have changed, some people aren’t able to receive it. And I’ve learned to be okay with that. 

I also realized where I was living in constant bubbles of stress. Worry. Anxiety. Control. And along the way I have chosen to alter myself, either within those situations or removing myself completely out of them. 

I’m in the space right now where I don’t want to sign up for more healing work to do. I accept that life by nature is going to serve me up triggers and lessons on a platter no matter what I do. So when it comes to extra effort to sign up for MORE, I’m on a big break. And I realize that it may require stepping away from some relationships, some plans, some phone calls, some text conversations that trigger me. This is a radical self-care. 

There are things that I would have done years ago that I’m simply not doing today. There are plans I would have taken ownership of. Conversations I would have started. Situations I would have initiated. But as I prioritize my nervous system, peace and ease in my life, I cannot show up for others in those same ways. 

So if you are carrying any guilt around choosing yourself, around prioritizing your own needs and mental and physical wellbeing - here is your message. It’s okay to not be understood, it’s okay to be the villain in someone else’s story, it’s okay to put your healing journey first. Even when it feels uncomfortable. 

We did not come here to live an entire life sacrificing ourselves for the sake of others. We just didn’t. Take a look in your mirror and have an honest conversation with yourself about this. 

It’s real. 

Take care, until next time. 

SHANI