YOUR BOAT.

Hi my loves-

I’m hoping this love letter reaches anyone who’s been in a shaming cycle with themselves. Feeling like you’re not doing enough. Like you aren’t fully where you want to be in life. Like you haven’t quite achieved enough. Maybe sitting in any judgmental feels against your own being. Finding yourself in those heavy overthinking cycles and hating it. Or making some of the same decisions you said you weren’t going to. 

This hug is for you, babe. 

The Analogy Queen (my therapist) was in her bag in this week’s session. I have been so frustrated with having to keep digging deep into this healing work over and over again. Getting to comfortable spaces and finding healthy coping mechanisms only to get triggered and forced back right into the work. Almost 40 years old and still being activated by trauma that happened decades ago. Trauma that I literally did not ask for. 

She said Shani, unfortunately you were not given a sturdy boat by your people when you were born. Your boat was janky. Holes everywhere and made of poor material. And you’re right, that is not fair but it is reality. And as you’ve been sailing on these life waves your whole life, you’ve been able to patch up your boat along the way. You met friends and loved ones that have given you pieces to help build a more stable structure. And you’re still building right now. And look how far you’ve been able to travel. You are so impressive with how beautiful of a journey you’ve been able to create for yourself. And you haven’t hardened along the way and are still so full of love to pour into yourself and into others. 

And this is just what it is. The waves of life are here for ALL of us, no matter who you are. There is shit we were placed here to do and it comes with all of the ups and downs. But check in with yourself and your boat. Whether you were unfairly given a raggedy one, or a solid one that has gone through some things along the way. 

Either way - BIG GRACE FOR YOU. BIG COMPASSION FOR YOU. Acknowledge how far you have come with what you were given. Many of us are walking miracles, baby. Angels here on this Earth. 

And for the mamas that have had to build up our own boats in order to give our kids the healthiest, most stable and secure boat to head out to sea with - shoutout to us. For all the things we did not have we’re turning it around for these babies. 

Please be proud. Please hug yourself. Please love all over your own self. Life’s waves are indeed unpredictable. And sometimes rough. And you’re still here riding, exploring and getting to the destinations you want to be at. Enjoy this ride. 

SHANI